It is becoming more and more difficult for me to handle the stress level and the depression level in my life. I am losing control of myself more and more.
What had happen to me now is a build up of feelings kept inside myself. And now, I am going through depression. Though it is just mild depression but I am losing control of myself once a while and I felt very difficult to keep things under control.
All these started few months back I suppose. From few months back I am already starting a feel amiss. I felt suddenly I am very lonely. I felt I am starting to isolate myself. I am losing more and more confidence. I am starting to become very silence.
And last month I was given an opportunity by my family friend to try to improve and prove my abilities in work. I thought that would be a light to move on. But one week into the new job, I got more stressed up for not much of a reason. Thinking that because of work I was eating lesser and having less sleep. But even in one week, I found out that it’s not about work. It’s about myself. I am losing even faster than before. I could not eat when I am hungry. I thought it was because of work I messed up my diet but that doesn’t seem to be explaining what I am going through. And I thought it’s because of work and probably raising responsibilities make me have less sleep but I could not sleep not because of that but because I was worrying too much of nothing.
How do I know I have depression? I would really love to say that I do not have it. But sometimes facts are facts. If I deny about it and think that it’s nothing serious, I could have made a very big mistake. So, I asked a friend of mine who has depression before and probably still has it. Talking to her and listening to her story makes me realized that I am developing symptoms of depression since months back. And more symptoms are appearing now and very rapidly. I also tried to do some depression test online. Some might say it’s not very accurate or probably it’s all just programed. I lost count how many different tests I did but all the test shows that I am having depression with 2 tests shows that I have severe depression.
Probably some might think it’s a mind game. But I guess sometimes, when things revolves mind is moving on the wrong direction, it should be fix immediately before things could get worst.
I need a BREAK for a while to fix this. To fix this I might be create some stress for others. But if I am not going to fix this now, it will only create more problems to myself and others. I probably have to be selfish sometimes for my own good and probably others as well.
God please help me on this. I do not want to be a burden to others. I also do not want to carry too much burden on myself for nothing.
