Mixed mood day

Today was quite an okay day… But I seem to be complaining a lot about things around me again… DAMN!!!

This seasonal madness really drive me mad once a while. I’m complaining about things that I promised. Probably promises that was made unwillingly. Haiz… Sometimes people just do not understand people who find difficulties in saying ‘NO’. We try to help but people will just think that if we are so unwilling to help then we should not help. If everyone is to think like that, who’s going to help in the end? If everyone is unwilling to help and just conveniently say ‘NO’, doesn’t it just left someone vulnerable?

It’s really hard for me to see someone who needs help and I just do not help even though I am not very willing. But well… At least I think I did something to made ‘good’ difference.

Let’s not complain anymore and make the most positive out of everything! God bless those who gave a hand and going to give a hand even if it’s unwillingly. God knows that even though some may not help willingly, but helping unwilling sometimes comes from the true heart of someone who is kind.

 

Updating…

It’s been a while since I’ve been wandering here.

Life’s always changing. Improving I hope, but I believe there are always ups and downs. It’s been some hard decision making times but things are so far going good.

There are always something to be taken out from our lives once a while to be filled with something that is worth it. And today I’ve taken a few things out which are possibly and sure had not been worthy to be kept.

It’s time to filter and clean up things in my life. To keep what is worth it and to dump away what is unworthy of keeping. Starting anew is not something new. I believe everyone go through this moment all the time. And I go through this everyday. Everyday to me is a new day. Doesn’t matter it’s a good day or a bad day today, tomorrow will be another day. Doesn’t matter this year is good or bad, next year will just be another year. Most important is that did we lived the time to the fullest and it has a meaning for us and people around us.

 

It’s another beginning of another chapter

After almost 3 weeks of escaping from reality, I will have to wake up and get back on my legs facing the real world again. I’ve been disappointing for a while, hence 3 weeks of break to clear the carp out of my mind is useful even though I was just sitting at home most of the day watching movies and series. But if you want to call it relaxing, I should say I am relaxing since I have nothing to think of and nothing to really be bothered except for what other movie to watch since I’m running out of movies to watch or maybe some mother “concerning advise”.

Anyway, I will be back on track with a new mindset, a little bit more grown up and mature. Stronger I hope. More logical and more wise than before.

Going back to where I left behind might not be very nice in a way but glad enough that I am blessed to have very kind and good people around me who sincerely supports me and that I trust the supports from them. Actually going back to where I feel out is not that bad I suppose. Let’s put it in a more positive thinking. At least I found my way back to where I got lost and able to get back on the right track.

Time to get back on track and continue the race in my life.

It is not the past that will shape me but what I will be doing that will shape my future.

 

When darkness meets light…

Yesterday I say myself was on depression. Well, maybe that was yesterday. Life is weird. We could think of negative thoughts with just a blink of an eye.

Actually do I really have depression? Or probably I was just trying to escape from ‘captivity’? Did I actually made my own depression? The depression was create by myself or was it really my life here is create depression in me?

I was really blurred. I was wrong after all. I probably just did not have any depression after all. it’s all about mind game. When it comes to certain mind games like yesterday or the past whole week, I lost that game. I totally lost out. Do I really deserved to even score in that game? I really do not know.

But I escaped ‘captivity’ and has a burden less on my shoulders. I was just being lonely all these while that a sudden change in life can affect me so much that I put myself into depression state.

I felt very disappointed that I could not fight on to try to win the game. But that disappointment just have to come. I probably might just have disappointed a few others including my parents on this. But if I was to continue fighting on, there are going to be two endings, to die or to conquer. We will never know the future. I dare not take this risk as it really involves serious matters.

Now it’s over, and the issue might just had been a very simple and small issue. But I hope that it’s all going to start anew. Not all in this world can be like Abraham Lincoln. Not everyone could walk the path of Thomas Edison. We should create our own path ourselves. May it be simple with very traditional way, as long as we are happy with it, life goes on.

 

When life meets darkness…

It is becoming more and more difficult for me to handle the stress level and the depression level in my life. I am losing control of myself more and more.

What had happen to me now is a build up of feelings kept inside myself. And now, I am going through depression. Though it is just mild depression but I am losing control of myself once a while and I felt very difficult to keep things under control.

All these started few months back I suppose. From few months back I am already starting a feel amiss. I felt suddenly I am very lonely. I felt I am starting to isolate myself. I am losing more and more confidence. I am starting to become very silence.

And last month I was given an opportunity by my family friend to try to improve and prove my abilities in work. I thought that would be a light to move on. But one week into the new job, I got more stressed up for not much of a reason. Thinking that because of work I was eating lesser and having less sleep. But even in one week, I found out that it’s not about work. It’s about myself. I am losing even faster than before. I could not eat when I am hungry. I thought it was because of work I messed up my diet but that doesn’t seem to be explaining what I am going through. And I thought it’s because of work and probably raising responsibilities make me have less sleep but I could not sleep not because of that but because I was worrying too much of nothing.

How do I know I have depression? I would really love to say that I do not have it. But sometimes facts are facts. If I deny about it and think that it’s nothing serious, I could have made a very big mistake. So, I asked a friend of mine who has depression before and probably still has it. Talking to her and listening to her story makes me realized that I am developing symptoms of depression since months back. And more symptoms are appearing now and very rapidly. I also tried to do some depression test online. Some might say it’s not very accurate or probably it’s all just programed. I lost count how many different tests I did but all the test shows that I am having depression with 2 tests shows that I have severe depression.

Probably some might think it’s a mind game. But I guess sometimes, when things revolves mind is moving on the wrong direction, it should be fix immediately before things could get worst.

I need a BREAK for a while to fix this. To fix this I might be create some stress for others. But if I am not going to fix this now, it will only create more problems to myself and others. I probably have to be selfish sometimes for my own good and probably others as well.

God please help me on this. I do not want to be a burden to others. I also do not want to carry too much burden on myself for nothing.

 

My online gorcery…

I’m now involve in an online grocery store based in USA. Please help spread a word about it.

JW Grocery Online

Please at least have a look at it and give comments to improve. Also, any friends who have friends or friends of friends in USA and Canada, please help me to promote this as well. All your efforts are very much appreciated.

 

Over the weekend.

This weekend was nice. One of the most relaxing weekend for the year so far.

Friday I night I went up to Genting Highlands to take a break from the hot city. But it was actually raining quite a lot for the past few days so it’s not that hot actually. I went up to Genting with 2 couples. =.=. So being the ‘single’ guy there really felt a bit weird. But anyway, no harm done. Went up and tried my luck. Somehow in the end I still take home extras. So it wasn’t that bad after all. Considering that I did not try to went for more and never thought of making some in the beginning. But it was nice. Chilling on top of the hill was definitely very good to relax yourself and to cool the ‘temperature’.

So that was the beginning of the weekend. On Saturday I was surprise to see some lady cleaning the floor when I open my room door. Got a shock and then got to know that the chief tenant hired a cleaning lady to wash the whole living room, kitchen and the toilet downstairs I guess. But it was still good for me since the place is getting quite  a little bit messy. Hehe… After that I cleaned my own room. It’s been sometime that I took own sweet time to clean my room on a weekend day. Managed to clear up some stuffs in the room. Also manage to actually have time to iron all my clothes and fold all my clothes. It’s been a while since I have time to do all these without hassle to worry.

Then the new week begins. Sunday morning I went to a church with my friend. Finally made her to go to church for once after sometime. (If you know who you are, you know it’s you… HAHA!!!) Had some very ‘interesting’ time in the church. Suddenly both of us felt so warm. Just slightly too warm. HaHa… That’s all that happen in the church. Nothing much special but learned something new. In the afternoon I went online and updated my blog theme and learn something new about some function on the blog. After that I took a long afternoon nap. Never took such a long afternoon nap before for sometime. With the rain and forest music, that’s just the best way to sleep for me. Evening was another nice time. Went out with another friend for a movie. The best moment during a movie time over the past whole month. Really enjoyed the time. Had also a very good conversation with this friend. It’s been a while since I have such a weekend. Really thank god for the weekend.

Oh yea, really enjoyed all my sleeps and naps with the rain. Never been so nice so far this year. Thank God for such a wonderful weekend.

 

Found the light to move on.

Finally, I have found the light to move on my path. I have found the light to light up my path and show me the way. I do not know would this be happy for me but I know that this will definitely ease my decision making on whether I should stay at where I am or move on ahead and just being slightly selfish if you would say.

I’ve been very indecisive on how should I be reacting to situations for a while. Now that I’ve found some facts that could support me on my decision, I’m very much lighter than before. This could be a very hard time to adapt yourself when you lose a hand, but it’s just a matter of time before you can handle the real world. Life is just as harsh as the words coming from the enemy, but if we can conquer that, there will be nothing much that we can’t overcome.

In fact I’ve been searching for these facts to support my decision for quite sometime and I finally found it. I’m quite relieve that it came at the right time when I really am in a very frustrating decision making time.

All in all, it doesn’t matter that if I do have lost this possible opportunity, but if it does not happen to me this time round means it is just not meant to be that way.

 

Time with the sisters…

The sad times, the happy times and anytime, these are some of the people that I will appreciate the existence in my life. They have been good friends and sisters to me. No one know where we will end up one day, but at this time, I appreciate them in my life.

It was a Saturday night that I first went to WIP in Bangsar for a drink with my ‘sisters’. We enjoyed every moment spending time together I hope, but definitely I enjoyed spending time with them more than anything else at this moment. This really can let me just let go all the troubles flying around in my head.

I hope we could just have this every weekend. It’s just amazing to be spending time with them.

Helena – Evon – Jack – Vannessa

 

How GOOD is GOD?

How will you know how good is God? How can we measure? Do we measure by the percentage of what we get back from what we’ve given to God?

I really can not answer this question. But what I know is that God is good in an immeasurable way. How could I not believe in Him when good things could just come by every time I’m facing frustration and defeat.

Recently I felt defeated by things happening around me. I felt lost and alone. I would think why is these happening to me. But in all these tough times, I was still thanking God for I’m still alive and unscratched.

I went to church today after quite a long while in absence. When the preaching first started, I was really sort of like ‘What the hell, it’s about giving again!’ But when it came to the end, just one example and one point stroked me. It was that example and point that made me feel like I’m not doing wrong and I will not be regretting of my actions for we must not give unwillingly or expecting something that we want in return.

I was all the while expecting something in return for what I’ve done. People around me says ‘you are doing too much’. But now, I do not regret that I’ve done it my way.

I might have very low requirement to satisfy myself compared to many others. But that is why I always sees the greatness of God’ work immediately after I am into frustration. I really thank God for being such a wonderful guardian helping me to seek answers and find peace in my heart even though answers were not what people will agree to. The most important thing is, the PEACE is within me and that will help me move forward and continue doing things that will help others. GOD is GOOD! And He will definitely show you something that is extraordinary that you will never be able to explain if you trust in Him!

ps. I’m not only referring to my God. Your god is the same as well folks.